In this report I am going to describe in extreme detail the differences betwixt "I can't believe it's not Butter - Spread" and Actual "Amish Butter."
Test One: Butter and Imitation butter's lubricating power on a slip n' slide. For the constant variables in this test I decided to use only one slip n slide, which I covered with a new layer of butter before each test. I also attempted to warm the butters to a similar temperature and also attempted to spread myself with the same amount from each tub of butter. To apply butter to each area of my body I used a paint brush attached to a long stick.

After the brief greasing period I then slid down the slip n' slide 3 times for each butter brand, washing myself down after each attempt to make sure the butter is still fresh. After my testing it seemed that the regular butter was the stronger lubrication and therefore the slide-ability factor goes to good ol' fashion Amish Butter.

Test Two: Moisturizing Capabilities. In this test I used a common kitchen Turkey Baster, an all too revealing spandex speed-o, and a pair of goggles. After fully covering my entire body with one of the butters I would sit down by the road and wave to cars for exactly 25 minutes and then wash myself off with a warm bucket of water. Then I would repeat this process 2 more times to get an accurate reading. Taking the necessary day break between each time to be sure to have an accurate reading of results, I then waited one week and then did the same process only with the other butter.

In conclusion to Test Two, I know how Fabio has his silky smooth skin and "I can't believe it's not butter - spread" was the clear winner, leaving me silky smooth and feeling great.

Test Three: Raw Consume-ability. In this test I first took an entire 5 pound tub of "I can't believe it's not butter - spread" And a soup spoon and went to work. 4 hours later a sicker, fatter, more self loathing me arose. I found this type of butter to throw you into a violent rage when an entire tub is consumed in one sitting. Let's see what happened after The "Amish butter!"

After consuming another 5 pound tub, only this time of "Amish Butter" I feel that my heart might explode. Never the less it left a longing in my soul, something I had never felt before; It now kind of burns when I use the restroom, and I can't scale an entire set of stairs with out break-time. I also go into convulsions every time I smell popcorn.

In conclusion to this test I pick "I can't believe it's not better." I didn't go into any convulsions after eating it, and there aren't any reoccurring nightmares concerning me naked and a tub of butter with a leather crotch-less pants on.

Finally the "I can't believe it's not butter - spread" had a come back victory defeating the mighty lubrication and tasty-ness factors of the "Amish Butter." Now I and the entire class knows what to have with their heaping portion of the Ryan Guthridge Experience, expect inverted aerials and fast paced action. (Not for those with heart problems)