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Well, they are everywhere so there isnt any
reason for there to not be another more improved version of IDIOTS,
welcome to my dynasty, my name is Ryan and I'll be your host.
Oh yeah working in a grocery store puts me in contact with all sorts
of people, the majority of these being, as you may have guessed,
idiots. As I described before I think the people that say "I
bet you hate people like me for messing up your aisle." No,
your half right, I hate you, but for a different reason.
Moving on if anyone here didnt notice I was being sarcastic and
making fun in the entire how to be a thug editorial, you can go
ahead and get the hell off the site. That is an idiot I would like
to point out people that use words to stereo-type people that dont
make sense, alright, white people = crackers. Ok, lets think, crackers
are somewhat pale in complection, some of them, yet others can be
very dark, and covered in cheese, long story short, i'd be a monkeys
uncle if I didnt cover myself with cheese and salt on a regular
basis, so good work whoever thought of using the name crackers...idiot.
I choose you MTV VJ, as the quintessential idiot. I ACTUALLY heard
one of them say, pick up this album for you baby's momma. My immediate
responce was, "He cant be serious." Oh but he was, very
serious, he also added a shout out to his nza ray ray, which sealed
the deal for me. I dont think I have ever heard anyone use "babies
momma" in real life, which is good, because if I had I would
be in great need for a trunk to a 87' Chevy celebrity, and an easily
accessible cliff. (for our handy capable readers, that means I would
have killed them, over dramatic movie style)
People that open e-mails from unknown locations that has no reason
to are also very high on the list for me. Im not going to pick at
my aunt, because she is new to the whole interent thing but I'll
tell ya what she said:
"RYan I got a couple viruses, I keep getting these weird emails
I don't know who they ae from, but this one won't go away, I ttyed
to qaurantine, and delete it about 20 times, What shoud I do?"
My answer - "not open emails from people you dont know..."
I hope that got the point across, I dont mean to single her out-just
use her as an example, but just people in general, she didnt know
better, but some people do because I've explained it to them but
they still think they are the only ones who has the inside track
on some killer deals at the idiot imporium or something, who knows?
Next up we have our friend the customer service manager who hates
their job. Usually people that work at a SERVICE desk, or as a service
manager has some people skills, this is all too often untrue. These
are the most angry people you come across because not only do they
have their own problems (ie. working at a dead end job for the rest
of their lives) but they also have to deal with everyone else's
problems. I dont sympathize is anyway-let's get that across, they
chose this as a life style, and it's their on stupid fault for it.
Here's a hint for all you out there, if you hate people, dont work
in a position that has you communicating and working WITH people,
do us all a favor and forget to stay awake in the tub in your sub-par
apartment while you indulge over a $5 bottle of champagne.
Up to bat we have sports dads, oh yeah you know the type. Screaming
"Damnit bobby, get up and kick his ass" as he sips at
his budweiser, forgetting he is 38 years old and still athletically
awkward. Although his son shows some promise so he decides to coach
every team they are on to grant them the max playing time allotted.
Sure HIS dream of winning the "big game" is highschool
is over but his son winning it is the next best thing, and is something
he can brag about while he tries to forget the last 20 years at
3 o'clock in the morning in a dank bar next to a person named Alex
who he cant tell if it's a man or a woman but it sure looks good
after 12 beers. It seems I have went off on a rant, but that would
be straight Dennis Miller style, and that I cant have (If you dont
know who Dennis Miller is, punch your monitor and set your room
on fire that your in right now, then attempt to put the fire out
with your life).
Next little ducky to role around is the idiot child. Oh yeah you
know the type, they have burn marks, not from their parents but
from touching hot things. I've seen gerbils that can pick this up
after the 2nd time...why cant they? Furthermore their parents should
burn them, for being stupid and an embarrassment. Instead of playing
outside with the other kids they decide to stay in, talk to the
cat, and collect things in jars to stow away in the basement for
"the right time." Oh yeah there is nothing they cant do
to put their fathers to shame, all the way from doing his friend's
hair to playing jump rope as apposed to kick ball during recess.
It seems I have skipped boat from the last paragraph which seems
to favor the sports dad, and the one before it that put him to shame.
If you thought this, you couldnt be more wrong.
I feel there can be a simple middle ground, which is where I am
at. My dad isnt obsessed with me playing sports, but he enjoys it
when I do well in manly endevers which promotes the furtherment
of the seed. I am not a sports star, but I would say im slightly
below average which is fine for me, I care not to play sports in
college because for me that is an institue of higher learning not
institute of kick ass sports, dude. I may sound a little preachy
but I'm not going to waste my life playing sports, hurt my knee
the first year I join up with super cool college, get a degree in
business and work at Arby's for the rest of my life, hardly seems
worth it for me. (sorry had to get that out of my system, I'll simply
return out of any serious slump the same way I always do)
Bob recently joined one of those match maker websites because It's
hard to find gay jewish boys around this area....and I'm back.
But this seems long enough, I know that because it's far too long
for me to proof read, I'll let Bob or something as for that this
is the 3rd installment of the fabled idiots editorials, me working
at a grocery store gives me a lot of fuel so I'm sure number idiots
version 4 is lurking right around the frozen food section about
to intersect me in the dairy aisle, but until then, keep your eye
on the sky. Ryan out.
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