I know what you all are thinking, should I be hippen and hopping or bippen and the boppin? Answer: Both. In this editorial I'm going to help those out of the loop farmers out there become funky fresh street soldiers.

The first part of being a successful money cash ho playa is the look. If you look like your down, your half way there, and the hos will smack themselves up whenever you walk by just to save you time.

First purchase yourself a new set of pearly white pumas, and if someone smudges yo pumas make sure to bust a cap in their cracker ass. Whence you have your shoes be sure to buy low slung party pants and new pimp cap for da hoes, they'll appreciate your keepin it real.

You may also want to buy a large white Sean John T-shirt which will be the new mantel for your fake ass gold chains. On the gold chains make sure to keep ice at a ready supply because it's cool as all hell. Also Gold chains are like rings on a tree, the longer your a street husslin' pimp the more gold chains you got, check it. Also if you want to represent from the street be sure to add an enormous clock to your chain.

Peep dis shit next, remember if you want to make any money your going to need to be an athlete or performer because this austenatious and all together ridiculous life style is only acceptable in these two areas, so instead of thinking Wall Street, think Black Street, word.

A quintessential part of keeping it real is talking like you keep it real, immediately replace all areas in the English language that call for the use of "are" to "is." I'll give an example, here is me talking to one of my hoe's: "How is you doin? Bling Bling ya'll" It's that simple balla.

Also your going to want to have some "tight" facial hair on your face, perhaps let the side burns creep down the sides of your face or engrave some steps into the side of your head, both are funky fresh. Also if you want to max out on real-ness be sure to have a friend or barber engrave your initials in the back of your head.

Next your going to need a posse that also keeps it nearly as real as you do. They need to be of even less talent than you though, you dont need any of your posse to be frontin'. Next purchase on your list will be a profession sports team jersey from where your "from," it's cool to be from St. Louis and Detroit now. Next make your posse site down with you in your crib and watch Darrens Dance Grooves at least 10 times so that you too can dance like a real rough tough street soldier would.

Also it helps if you drink alcohol frequently, and on occasions spill some onto the ground for your fallen soldiers of the dope game, your going to also have to get high 2 or 3 times a day for a couple years before you can announce you cleaned yourself up and start helping a poor community in a big city that you claim to be from. For street cred.

Regarding the job profession that I mentioned earlier if your looking more for maximum return for minimal skill try being a rapper, it's simple, I'll get ya started.

Track One: Remix a classic song, but cut out the actual song parts, except the chorus because that's jsut alot to read, and make dog noises during the parts of the song you left unchanged. With this recipe you'll be turned fromWhite Cracker to Hoe Smacker in only a few short days.