I know that it is August but it is NEVER too early to start, plus now is when you'll find the best deals. Also your friends will commend you for being ahead of the pack.

Here I'm going to go ahead and say wattage is the name of this game. The more Watt's the more Jesus will love you. I also find that using entire spotlights, atop your roof along with the usual lights really helps you get that number up and it looks fantastic until a helicopter attempts a landing on your house.

But if it's salvation your going for I say you cant get any better than a full size nativity scene in your front yard, nothing makes the neighbors quite as envious as this, and I bet they'll feel awfully foolish on the day of redemption, standing there with their tiny ice sickle light set.

I hope to not put down the ice sickle lights though, they are a fantastic accessory to your main frame of lights.

Another safe bet is Santa, and all his reindeer atop your roof. Prompt and ready to descend into your home while your sleeping and creep about the house with a ravenous look of desperation, one that can only be found in a man when he is looking for cookies and milk. I also feel that nothing represents Baby Jesus better than a fat man and mythical flying creatures.

Another area I want to touch upon is the lights for your Christmas tree(s). The key to this is special surprises for everyone who looks at the tree. Last year I had a Cross hanging with a motion sensor and everytime they would get too close if would spray a salty mix of mace and red die into their eyes, to remind them that Jesus suffered for our sins, but I try to keep novelties like that to a minimum until Easter.

A big thing with the front lawn is being different, in this game you have to be able to catch someones eye, and keep it there long enough for them to drive their car into the guard rails. I counted 3 kills last year and 14 wrecks, the second best ever, I must have done something right.

Now with the front lawn, I already mentioned the nativity scene, which is an ok start, but if you really want to make a splash hire real out of work actors to work in shifts in your front yard. It's great, The kids love it, and if people try to mess with your stuff one of the actors usually just ends up getting cut up and having their kidneys sent to guadalupe. Doesnt bother me much, but I just insist that everyone signs a waver saying that if they lose any organs to the black market it's their responcibility to get them back, not mine.

Also for the front yard you might want to have another Christmas tree with an enormous middle finger on top, just to let your neighbors know that you're number one.

I also like to spray the windows with some of the temporary white stuff that looks like snow, but I dont stop there. After doing this I also enjoy covering my hand in sheeps blood and smothering the tops of the doors with it; Now I know it's not passover and the angel of death probably isnt coming, but just to be safe I think it's worth it. Also it seems to keep away werewolvs, dont ask me how but ever since I starting doing it, no signs of werewolves.

Now I know what your thinking...That's all the lights you put up? Of coarse not. I shall now present you with the creme de la creme or so to speak. Every 15 minutes I designed a mechanical hand [of God] to reach down and touch the baby Jesus in the manger. When doing so I have two bull horns that blast Hallelujah for 10 minutes. The neighbors really seem to get into the spirit by shooting guns into the air, and sometimes winging the hand. Little do they know I placed several wasps nest in each of their attics when they left their homes. By my estimate in the 2 months before they even begin to get their spring stuff out there should be close to 2000 wasps in all of their homes. Merry Christmas.

After much negative attention (jealousy) from the neighbors I also had my yard outfitted with electric shockers that are designed to paralyze small animals, incuding children for a temporary amount of time. After doing so I sprinkled my yard with toys and different snow ornaments.