I woke up in a cage, it happens surprisingly a lot, and there was a big purple monster guarding the door to the cage.  The first thing I noticed was that he was eating an apple pie, my favorite dessert.  And then I realized just how hungry I was, I hadn’t eaten anything since I found all of those burgers in that meat fridge...Shut up!  I was so damn hungry; you would have done the same.  Anyway, I tried to start a conversation with the purple monster; lo and behold it was my old buddy Grimace of McDonalds fame.

"Grimace!" I yelled.  He looked at me, but he gave me no response, he probably didn’t recognize me.  I had lost my trademark hat, my uniform was covered in grease and urine, and the explosion of the laser took out my eyebrows, I was a mess.  But as I thought more and more, my hunger got the best of me.  I sneaked up behind Grimace, reached around his shoulder and tried to pry the pie from his purple mitts.  He was pretty angry at me, so he took my arm and hit it back and forth on the bars of the cage; dislocating and relocating it each time.  Once he had his way with me, he decided to grab me by the teeth and slam my face off the ground, yeah…that hurt.  So after he totally handed my ass to me, I slinked back into the corner of my cage and noticed that my dinner had arrived.  So I ate the chicken nuggets that suspiciously had eyes and scarves, and fries that were about a foot long.  So I ate all of the stuff on the tray but realized that there was a huge, burned, and brown fry left.  "Damn it, I hate these stupid, burnt fries!" I yelled, tossing the fry aside.  But it was then I noticed that Grimace had his back to me; I also realized that this fry was hard and sharp like a damn tire iron, and, lastly, I noticed that Grimace’s spine and this fry would mix well, and they did. 

So after I was done jamming a foot long fry into the spine of an obese, purple thing I decided to take his keys, break out, and run like hell.  My escape had triggered alarms, but I didn’t care, all that went through my mind was running, and that’s all I did.  A small medieval army of fry kids had begun chasing me, and man were they pissed.  But I mean they had short swords and clubs, and they also barely have legs, so I was safe I’d say.  I hid behind a crate of Grade G meat; I had done it just in time.

Chapter 4