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My one friend and I went into this restaurant
and he orders the chicken fingers and I ordered the soup of the
day. The restaurant was a little mom and pop store in the shape
of a silver trailer in the middle of the city. It was dimly lit
in the back where we were sitting and the lights slowly progressed
into bright the closer to the bar you got.
I remember that because during our conversation
I would glance up to the bar to see if the food was coming and I
would have to squint every time. I have trouble paying attention
to a conversation so on several occasions I would look down to the
black and white checkered floor and notice that some of the whites
looked to be gray in the darker areas of the diner.
After about 15 minutes of conversation my friend
and I got sort of quiet and luckily at the same time the food found
its way to our table. Their presentation of the food was a little
eccentric but I thought it a nice change from the usual.
When laying the food on the table they had
large silver plate covers atop our dishes, I assumed to keep the
food warm. They first unsheathed mine, and the sweet steam rose
to fill my nostrils, I was hungry.
Next they took the plate cover off of my friends
dish exposing a human hand! Upon doing so two disco balls lowered
from the ceiling, strobe lights started shining, and techno music
turned on. Then the entire restaurant stopped, the music was halted,
the strobe lights were frozen and the entire restaurant looked at
my friend in anticipation. There WAS a human hand on his place,
atop a large leaf of lettuce and a lovely parsley garnish.
At the height of the silence a fat man on a
motorcycle came in through the window with a shotgun in one hand
and the throttle in the other. He hit the ground sideways, blew
the head off our waiter and spun the tires out coming in our direction.
With his burley man arms he hoisted my friend and I to the back
of his motorcycle and told us to hold on tight, and tight I held
on.
He then revved his engine, shifted to second,
did a willy and we crashed through the other window in the shop.
We hit the ground hard and I was pressed even
closer to his strong man back. I let out a squeal of delight as
he took us through a dark wooden area until we reached a clearing.
When we were in the middle of the clearing he stopped the motorcycle
and turned it off.
Everything was quiet except the loud cry of
the cricket. He dismounted the motorcycle and looked at us. We looked
back half afraid.
All of a sudden techno music and strobe lights
went off again and I looked to my friend and asked, "What the
hell's up with all the techno music." His head turned towards
me and he nodded, never taking his eyes off the burley motorcycle
guy dancing to techno music.
The big motorcycle guy then tore off his tight
leather vest exposing his hairy chest. Myself at the time had a
pint of Galikers milk in my hand that I found in the middle of the
woods, and I was drinking. Hairy motorcycle guy then fell to his
knees, and began gasping. Not long after that, still on his knees
he thrust his shoulders and head back and an enormous light from
the heavens came down and went into his chest. His eyes then rolled
behind his head and he started shaking, his rib cage was then torn
open and his body limply fell to his right side.
Shortly thereafter my friend and I looked at
each other, and looked back to his body, three squirrels crawled
into his chest and started stealing his organs. We looked at each
other again and began laughing uncontrollably, the milk I was drinking
shot out my nose and we both fell to the ground holding our sides.
We rolled on the ground for a good five minutes just laughing; I
thought I would die if I didn't stop to get some oxygen soon. Then
my friend and I composed our selves, stood up, and just started
laughing again as the squirrels started filling his body with chestnuts
and tiny stones.
Thereafter my friend and I started singing
"Come on Eilene" by Dexy's Midnight Runners, Remember
that song (I know I do)? Boy that was a fun time, and I'm sure everyone
here can relate, thus concluding the funniest thing that has ever
happened to me.
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