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Adventures in Showerland


The next day, feeling a little better having two of my little guys back at home and doing well we all went to the zoo for a day of fun.

So we all loaded into my primo 1987 Chrysler Le Baron and headed towards the zoo, with aspirations high, and the Wham! cranked even higher. Nothing could go wrong.

When we got there we decided to visit the bear cage. It was totally lame so we smothered the bars in savory Maple Syrup and waited for the bears to lick the bars. When they did start licking the bars we shot rubber bands at their eyes.

Then in the confusion Shawntel thought Cornelius stole his wallet. So I went over to see what was the matter, Shawntel explained what happened and then we found his wallet was in his back pocket the whole time. Then Shawntel shanked Cornelius right in the stomach, and screamed "Who's better now, WHO'S better NOW!?"

Then Shawntel shanked some weird out of place guy with a top hat on in the kidneys and ran towards the monkey cages. In the heat of the moment I forgot to check on Cornelius and weird out of place guy with the top hat on. Cornelius was bleeding pretty badly, I could tell, from the way he was bleeding, badly. I didn't much care for the weird out of place guy, because if anything he is just making this story worse.

I called 9-1-1 and told them I had some conditioner here at the zoo and it was bleeding quite badly and to send help. I then left Cornelius with the trained professionals and went after Shawntel.

I searched everywhere for him, but he was hiding somewhere, scared and lost. I finally found him hiding beneath a great oak tree. When I reached him I asked what that was all about.

He explained a feeling of being lost, he was afraid; he thought that I liked Cornelius better than him. On top of that I could tell he'd been doing the crank again, I just took him into my arms and held him. He sobbed loudly into my bosom and then I remembered Cornelius lying on the pavement, so I hurried back to see how he was doing. Turns out nothing serious was wrong and that he we in fact, going to be ok. I was relieved to say the least.

I helped Cornelius to his feet and told him how happy I was to see he was all right. We started walking back to the car figuring we'd been at the zoo long enough by then.

Then in a split second two things happened, I remembered Shawntel and Shawntel appeared behind us.

Cornelius and me just looked at him, and Shawntel offered a hand in friendship to Cornelius. Cornelius, hesitant at first took awhile to offer his hand.

After Cornelius' hand was fully extended in peace Shawntel took his hand, gave it a good shake, then drew Cornelius close to himself, whispered something in his ear and laid a blow of his shank into Cornelius' stomach again. Shawntel then twisted his shank and gave a smirk to Cornelius' blank and shocked face. Cornelius fell to the ground. He was dead.

Emilio who had been quiet the whole time stepped out from behind me. Look at Shawntel and said "Shove this in your goddamned eye," and fired two shots at him, one nicking his nozzle, the other hitting him square in the shoulder laying him onto the ground.

I took a step back, felt dizzy, and fell to the ground.