A Walk to Remember:

Once in a great while, a movie comes along that can make you hate everything.  You hate the people around you, you hate the pope, you hate all actors everywhere, etc.  And I think if I can pinpoint one movie that accomplished this, it would be A Walk to Remember.  Ah yes, the all predictable Chick-Flick, but predictability was only half the problem here, the acting was the quality of a middle school play at best, and a poorly trained monkey could've written a better plot.

I mean this is probably the most standard plot for every movie:  Tough guy has tough friends, the friends rip on the "good two-shoes" that doesn't know she could be hot and stuff, the good girl tries to reform the kid, she gets heart broken, he shows her his sensitive side, they remain together until she, to my delight, dies a horrible death.  But some people just thrive on this plot that seems to be in every teen romance movie I've ever seen, and it doesn't seem to be changing ever.  I think this movie comes in 2nd for the worst ever, Bounce takes #1, and I didn't even see the whole thing.  I guess you can just imagine how many casualties would've stacked up had I seen more than the first 15 minutes of Bounce.

I've always asked myself what draws people to these God awful travesties of film, and I have drawn two conclusions in my 5 minutes of study:

1) "Hot" lead actor that is just so sweet in the movie, but in real life he takes Phantom of the Opera strength Prozac.

2) Girls wishing that their own boyfriends would do such things displayed in these flicks, such as building them telescopes and putting them in two places at once.  I hate to break it to these people, but guys don't usually do stuff like that.

Not a single carbon based life form could respect this movie for its artistic integrity, originality, plot, and so on.  Those are the only two reasons anyone would go to it, because let's face it, 7.00$ is a lot of money these days.  Now it was a best-selling book before it was a movie, that doesn't mean anything, so was the Scarlet Letter, sure it may be a classic and it beats the hell out of A Walk to Remember, it still sucked a lot.

Here was my adventure with this movie.  It all started at Pizza Hut where Joel and I arrived about an hour late due to Aaron's impeccable timing, once there we ordered Pizza Hut's super greasy pizza to which the damn cheese never sticks.  And so after we were done choking down that grease dough, we strutted on over to the local Goodwill, we purchased nail polish and punk shirts.  We then went outside and waited in the cold to get picked up for 45 minutes.  And so after a nice little snowball fight we all hopped in the car and went to the theater, I was dreading it for hours.  And so we go inside to the theater to the desk, I'm last in line, I was hoping a strange man in a trench coat would kidnap me without the others knowing.  And it was my turn to pay, the lady asked me what movie I was seeing, I mumbled "walk..." under my breath whilst handing her the satanic fee.  She gave me the ticket cackling all the while, if it weren't immoral to murder, we'd have one less ticket lady.  I entered the theater with my "posse," and we took our seats, only to find that my sister was sitting right in front of me Woo!  I loved it to say the least, then a group of 6th graders that were louder than a Nitro-glycerin truck driving through a dynamite factory showed up behind us.  They were the most sexually "loose" 6th graders I've ever heard in my life, and I then decided to stop living right at that point, since kids are our future...  But then it hit me, I was watching the worst movie in the world, so I decided to remain living until I can take a few more people with me when I go.  After what seemed like an eternity in hell, I was able to leave the dungeon we call the Dubois Cineplex VII, or whatever number it is.

I think everyone that had gone to the movie, liked it.  And yet again I felt like the only independent mind in the world, it was, and still is the biggest waste of money ever.  You would be better off with buying Enron or Martha Stewart stock than going to see this movie.  Don't even rent it, it's simply horrible.  So if anyone mentions this movie for possible rental, gouge out your own eyes and say "Rent whatever you want!"